The Pool

When it comes to the swimming pool of love, there are two types of people:

  1. The ones who dive in head first without having any idea of the depth of the pool, the temperature of the water, or the contents of what lays beneath the surface.
  2. The ones who stand on the edge, staring at the water trying to gauge it’s depth, tentatively sticking their toe in to identify the temperature, and possibly even peaking under the surface through some goggles to see the bottom before choosing whether or not to eventually wade into the pool.

Through the discussions I’ve had with friends on either end of the spectrum, I have come to realize that there are pros and cons with either aspect.

Obviously, if you talk to someone who is continually diving into this pool, they’ll tell you tale after tale of how they have dove into the shallow end and snapped their neck, leaving them in paralyzing heartbreak.

However, if you talk to someone continually on the sidelines, they’ll be the ones with stories of the “one who got away”… only they have about 15 of them, and none of them needed to be the one that got away except that they spend their entire afternoon (or like 6 years) trying to judge the worthiness of the pool and if the pool even wanted them to get in – and never actually got in the water.

I am most definitely the second type of person, which is kind of interesting because I tend to dive right in in every other aspect of life. Yet somehow when it comes to love and relationships, I am as timid as a fly.Β My best friend is someone who dives right in. She feels immensely for people and throws her heart right into the mixture, putting herself out there, which is something I am incredible envious of. We have often said that if you could combine us we would literally be perfect at relationships (unfortunately that’s not possible).

The biggest problem I have with the type of person that I am (and why I think the other types of people are superior to us) is that by never getting in the pool we eliminate all possibility of success. Yes, you may dive in and drown time and time again – until eventually you don’t, because thats how relationships work. They all end, until one of them doesn’t. On the other hand, if you never get in, you will die from heat stroke every time and eventually the water will dry up and you will have absolutely no chance.

All this preamble is pretty much just to say that I recently did something that constitutes jumping face first in to a body of murky water with absolutely no hint of depth, temperature, or content. To some, what I am doing seems ridiculous and stupid and reckless. However, as someone who is used to living their life on the sidelines in this respect – this is progress for me.

I’m tired of the regret that comes along withΒ doing nothing. I have countless instances that end with literally nothing happening and me still wondering to this very day if it may have been something.

As the girl who has mastered the art of playing hard to get – and pretty much any other game of manipulation and power out there – vulnerably chasing after something is pretty much the scariest, healthiest decision I can make. Instead of never allowing myself the possibility of heartbreak because I never let my heart get invested, I’m going to invest full force.

So maybe theres basically a 90% chance that I am going to drown, but maybe death by water rather than by a scorching ball of fire will be a healthy change of pace.

Besides, no good story every began with “and then I did nothing”… and believe me folks, this story is going to be one for the books. Although my self-esteem is probably going to take a big hit, so I’ll tell you all about it when I’ve recovered – In about 15 years πŸ˜‰

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